Observations

• It doesn't take long in a new place for me to get lost. Within an hour of being in Streamwood... yup, I get lost on an IKEA hunt.
• I have finally been to an IKEA. I think it will be a bad thing for my income that I will be living really close to one. One of my girly little things is that I love to decorate... I can get excited about a shower curtain. No joke.
• Ignorance works great. I was pulled over in some random little town on 26 on my way up here... Pulled the "I didn't see the sign" deal... totally worked. And, I wasn't lying. I'm usually really super careful about slowing down for these little speedtrap towns... *sigh*. At least I wasn't ticketed... I really can't afford that one right now. Unfortunately... I have ruined my over a year of clean driving (or at least the record says clean... hehehe... I'm still super proud of my 3h20 minutes from Glen Ellyn to Gas City... with about a 20 minute stop at a Meijer in Lafayette for gas, thank you notes, Coke and contact solution. Something about doing that drive at night just makes stuff build up on my contacts.
• Something that drives me crazy about Illinois driving. They have these slightly raised dividers, where a lot of places (or maybe just Indiana) it is either a left turn lane or a big cement divider. These little things look a lot like the former (second?). But yet... people drive on them! I can't stand it! I would swear not to myself... but I'm usually in too big of a hurry to have scruples when it comes to driving. I think we all know this.

Alright, time for me to start heading to Glen Ellyn. Have fun :).

Clarification

I feel as though there is one thing about me that always gets misunderstood: my views on relationships. This has always bothered me and driven me absolutely crazy, but for some reason... I haven't been able to really change people's mind. I think people did finally figure out that I must not be entirely against them when I started dating Erik, but still. Here for all the world to see is Bri's views on relationships.

I think I should start this out by saying that I'm just not a huge fan of "casual relationships". What do I mean by that? Relationships that emulate the behaviors of more committed couples, without the commitment (eg. sleeping together, kissing, the whole romantic thing), without the commitment. It is the causal flings without the thought of the future or any sort of a long-term commitment. This does not include platonic friendships... those are an entirely separate subject and I'm a huge supporter of those.

Now, how do you enter into a relationship planning for the long-term, but still getting to know the person? I know its unreasonable to think that the first serious relationship you're in will end with a walk down the aisle and happily ever after. While yes, that does happen and I'm a sucker for a cute story like that, most likely that isn't going to be the case. I know that. But, there is a difference between going into a relationship knowing it isn't serious and going into one being intentional. I'll use Erik and I as an example. We met during Night Watch our sophomore year. He remembered me as the girl who frequently sat on Sexy's lap and seemed pretty hard to get to know and I remembered him because he was the "Cute Cop" (according to Michelle) and he had read the book I was reading (The World is Flat) and he wasn't a communications/education major... his was somewhat more related to mine. We had a couple conversations... nothing that I distinctly remember besides the book. So, the show ends... he doesn't do the next one, I really wasn't greatly concerned. But, somehow I still remembered him (how I remember anything from that show... I have no idea...) and think I might have even mentioned him or asked about him somehow in a conversation with someone else... Anyways... Next semester comes around and I'm taking Developmental Economics for my major (and I love Hadley... lets just face it) and lo and behold, who is in there but Erik. Ditto for Business Ethics. So, since we have some sort of familiarity with each other and for some odd reason I slightly fascinated (what is it with wanting what seems like a challenge?) and he was determined to get to know me. I had recently resigned my soul-selling to the theatre and was living off campus and wanting to regain some semblance of a social life again, so I was receptive to him. I will admit though, he creeped me out at first. So, after a few weeks of this... it winds up with me agreeing to watch Fight Club with him. And, for whatever reason, my roommate wasn't there, and it was slightly awkward, but we got over it. Okay, fast forward a few other things (including kisses I later regretted and still have no idea why I did). It eventually started getting to the point where... platonic friendship was debatable. So, I stopped... thought... prayed... and really a lot of my concern was... "Is this really feasible". I stopped and thought about what we both wanted to do with our lives. As far as either one of us knows (granted, not very far)... check. Could I ever see myself loving this person? Hard one, but check. I had known him for a while in a non-romantic context and yeah... I liked him as a person and valued his friendship regardless of what happened. Did he fit my list of criteria? Mostly... he can't sing, but thats not his fault. So... after a lovely at least seven hour conversation... I started a relationship. I have no idea how it will end... I don't want to know. I definitely had no idea at the start. But, I went into it intentionally... I went into it trying and wanting to make it work and doing what it would take to make that happen. I had to intentionally open up to him and knew that just using him as a make-out partner wasn't going to be good for either one of us. That just gets a lot of mixed up emotions and misunderstandings. And from what I've seen of relationships like that, thats exactly what happens. I thought we had a firm basis of friendship and a good understanding of where the other person was coming from, so we went for it. And about fourteen months later... I have absolutely no regrets from that choice.

Now that we've seen that I clearly am not against relationship per say... Why am I pretty much exclusively tell people not to do it? Easy: relationships take time. Its a conscious effort that does demand something from you. And the person you're in one with should not be chosen lightly. Part of why I started one with Erik was because I knew he wasn't going to treat this as something trivial. He had already demonstrated that he was willing to put forth effort and work at a relationship. He wasn't just in this for a free hug or cookies (I actually make quite poor cookies...). Plus, both of us were at places where we could handle it personally. We knew who we were as individuals and knew as much as any college student (maybe more... not sure on that one) where we were heading. We were solid people who were not dependent on a relationship of any sort for any part of our identities. I still think we maintain very separate identities. As much as I love Erik, I hate being referred to only as "Hatcher's girl" or other things like that... and I don't like it when people refer to him as "my boy" or anything like that. That right there is a huge reason I advise people against relationships: I think you need to have a firm understanding of who you are and where you're going before you can bring someone else into the picture. That just ends up messy... or you end up going in an entirely wrong direction because you allow yourself to be too influenced. Or... you're like some people I know and are simply too busy for one. I think you need to let things grow when you aren't so busy. Going back to Erik and I. When we started really getting to know each other... we didn't have that much on our plate and I think a good deal of the "getting to know you" happened when we did the first distance thing during the summer. We both had evenings to just talk... and we did... and it was wonderful and I'm grateful we had it.

Another thing that I think catches people is that I'm not sold on getting married. Would I? Most definitely. If I met the right person I would in a heartbeat. As soon as it was practically and financially possible... you betcha I'll wear a dress for a day and suck it up. But do I have to? No. I don't feel any great need to. Why? Because I know I can go through whatever is given to me without someone else. If that is what God wants... I have no problem with it. He's made me to be a pretty strong person who is able to function on her own, and I'm totally down with that. I've never felt the need to have someone else to complete me in any way and have a hard time understanding those who do. Also on the marriage subject: when I mention that I don't know if I would change my name some people give me funny looks. I don't get the logic in it. A girl goes through the first... twenty-someodd years of her life under one name... doing everything, having all the records and everything in that name... only to one day change it to something else. A guy, on the other hand, has he same name throughout his life. Why? I understand that it is a part of the whole "joining together" thing... but can't you be joined and still have your name? I'm really thinking of John Proctor's whole name thing from The Crucible here. I see no correlation between the two and am reluctant to change what I've been known for my whole life just because of a commitment to someone. If I get married, that vow will mean exactly the same thing, I will mean it exactly as much, I will love the person exactly as much regardless of what my last name may be.

I could bore y'all with my thoughts on love, but I'll save that for another day. Basically, I think relationships ought to be taken seriously, with thoughts to the future in mind. People get tangled up, emotions get involved, things get messy and if you start with a clear focus, a strong individual identity and a commitment to the other person that you're able to honor, then great! By all means go for it! If you're just screwing around and you're one of those people who has to have someone to feel complete... then please, save yourself the pain and get your act together first.